So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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