I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
