i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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