i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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