Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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