note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
