By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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