"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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