I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
