so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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