I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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