Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.