Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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