And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
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Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE