I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i love accidental penises.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
