Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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