Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
