that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
