She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
