do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
