Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
