Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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