my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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