Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
