You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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