u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
