how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
