I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
