The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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