just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
