dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
