you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
