My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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