You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
