We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
