you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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