11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
