This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
