I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
