I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
