Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
