where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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