nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
