I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
