Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
