So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
