I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
