I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
