He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
