what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
