If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
