Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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