I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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