You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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