Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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