I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
