I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
