my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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