And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
