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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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