She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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