Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
