I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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