im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Randomize
