At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
