It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
