omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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